


taako is fine, really

by fagsymbiote



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, and i would lay down my life for them with no hesitation thanks for your time, taako and lup are the epitome of sibling goals, tbh its mostly taako and lup but its ipre stuff i love the ipre
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 14:36:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13706481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fagsymbiote/pseuds/fagsymbiote
Summary: After yet another cycle, another failed attempt to save a planar system, Taako decides it's time to stop letting it hurt. He's Taako, he's perfectly alright, why wouldn't he be?





	taako is fine, really

**Author's Note:**

> the title is a lie!!!! taako is a liar who can't deal with emotions!!!!

Taako looked out the window, watching as the Hunger devoured another civilization that they’d made their home for a year. He kept watching until it was out of sight, then sighed and stood, walking to the kitchens. Someone had to make dinner, and he was the only one besides Lup who could cook worth a shit. 

He chopped up some vegetables that grew on the planet, now erased from existence, that they had just left, hardly even paying attention to what he was making. Whatever it was, it would taste fine. Cooking was like breathing. 

He heard someone enter the kitchen, not saying a word, and he continued what he was doing. A moment later, there was a hand on his shoulder, and he turned to face Lup. 

“What?” he asked, running a hand down his face. 

“Just--just thought you might want company,” she said, giving him a half-hearted smile. 

He shook his head. “I’m fine, Lup.”

“Taako, you cried for three days after the first few loops. You--you wouldn’t even let anyone in your room besides me. You really think I’m going to believe you’re fine?”

“We’re almost fifty loops into this. I don’t--I can’t care about it. All of those people, they’re temporary. They’re nothing, in the grand scheme of all this. If we save one every now and then, that’s fucking great, and if we don’t, oh well,” Taako said, voice flat. “Why don’t you go talk to Barry? He might actually _need_ your help.”

She blinked hard, sighed, nodded. She turned to leave again, pausing in the doorway. “When you realize that what you’re doing is stupid, you know where to find me.”

And then she was gone. He turned back to the food he was preparing, sniffling. He was fine, he was _fine._

If he cried into those vegetables, it wasn’t really anybody’s fucking business, was it?

He finished cooking eventually--it was stew, stew was impossible to fuck up, even if his hands were shaking and he could barely see through his tears; plus, it took long enough that by the time it was done, his face was hardly even puffy--and went room to room, calling everyone into the area they’d designated for group meals. The first meal after the end of a loop was always eaten together. 

Everyone shuffled into the room, quietly thanking Taako for cooking. He nodded in response. They all sat in their chairs, the same ones they always sat in, and they ate, none of them saying a word. Taako got through less than half of his before the silence became unbearable. 

He stood abruptly, spoon clattering to the table. He stalked out of the room, ignoring the way everyone’s eyes followed him out. He didn’t stop until he was back in his room, and he slammed the door in the hopes that the noise might make him flinch, that the vibrations that reverberated through the floor might make him _feel_ something. 

It didn’t work.

It was stupid of him to think it would. 

He heard the others talking through the grates in his floor. He couldn’t make out any words, but he was sure it had something to do with his sudden departure. 

Nobody came to check on him, and he fell into a restless sleep after hours of staring up at the ceiling.

\--

When Taako woke up the next morning, he worked on his fake smile. He didn’t leave the room until he’d perfected it, and even then it was earlier than any of the others would be waking up, except maybe Lucretia or Davenport. He made breakfast--made everyone’s favorites in fact, which burned another hour--and then gradually, people began trickling in.

First was Davenport, bleary-eyed ut determined to stay awake, taking the plate of food and the cup of coffee Taako held out to him as if they were lifelines, and then left after a muttered thanks. Next was Lucretia, who was much more alert in the mornings than any of the others could ever hope to be. She looked confused for a moment at the sight of Taako standing there, not only awake but smiling at her, but she took the food he handed her anyways and thanked him, smiling. She stayed in the kitchen to eat, something he expected. She hated eating alone.

“How’d you sleep?” she asked, eyeing him up and down.

“Not bad,” he said, shrugging. “What about you?”

She sighed. “You know I always have a hard time sleeping the first few nights after a loop,” she said. “I didn’t have any dreams though, which was nice.”

He nodded. “Neither did I.”

 

A lie. 

She nodded though, believing him completely. He had always been the best liar on the ship.

“Do you have anything planned for today?” she asked him, sipping her drink.

“I haven’t been to the library in a few cycles. Might see what we’ve added, find something to read.”

She nodded, scooping another bite into her mouth. She finished soon after, and he took her dishes from her, setting them on the counter. “I’m going to start writing about the last few days of the last cycle,” she told him, walking towards the exit to the kitchen.

“Good luck,” he said, and she gave him a tight smile before disappearing. 

Barry was next. “Hey Taako,” he said, waving at Taako.

“‘Sup, Barold?” Taako responded, flashing Barry a grin.

“You made breakfast?” Barry asked, raising his eyebrows at all the food behind Taako.

“Sure did, my man.” He handed Barry his plate, along with Lup’s. “I’m guessing you slept in the same room last night.”

Barry grinned sheepishly. “Yeah, we did. Thanks.”

Taako gave a thumbs-up.

Barry took a step towards the door, then stopped. 

“You doing alright?” he asked. 

“I’m totally fine, buddy,” Taako assured him. 

“Just--you seemed pretty upset last night.”

“And now I’m fine,” Taako said, giving him the smile he’d practiced for so long that morning. 

A frown tugged at the corner of Barry’s mouth, but he nodded anyways and left the room. 

Taako let out a huff of air and sagged against the counter, blinking hard. It was fine, everything was fine. He straightened back up and turned towards the counter, arranging a plate for himself. He was fine. 

Magnus was the next person to enter the kitchen, looking absolutely dead on his feet, as if he was being pulled in only by the smell of food. He perked up a bit when he saw Taako there, already holding out a plate. Magnus was the only one with footsteps that heavy, he knew who it was before Magnus even walked through the door. 

“Mornin’” Magnus muttered, taking the plate from Taako with one hand, rubbing at his eyes with the other. 

“Morning, big guy,” Taako chirped. 

Magnus nodded, then left the kitchen. Taako hoped he didn’t drop the plate on the way back to his room.

Merle was the last to come in. but it seemed like he’d been awake for quite a while when he did. He was already dressed, and looked completely conscious. “Morning, Taako,” he said, grabbing the plate Taako was holding out.

“Morning, old man,” Taako responded, flashing a grin.

Merle shook his head, flipping Taako off as he left the kitchen.

As soon as he was gone, Taako let himself sag all his weight against the counter sighing heavily. Nobody was worrying about him, and he was fine. 

It didn’t matter. He’d get over it by the next cycle.

\--

The next cycle was the first he didn’t spend any extended amount of time with Lup. 

She was the only person who saw through him after the initial few days everyone walked on eggshells around him, and he didn’t need her trying to be his therapist or something. She should know, after spending their entire lives together that when Taako decided he was over something, that was it. 

He was fine. 

He spent the cycle out of the ship as often as possible, knowing Barry and Lup had spent the past few cycles researching, trying to figure out a way to take down the Hunger. So, he would spend the cycle learning the culture of this new place, or at the very least exploring the wildlife. Anything to keep off the ship.

It worked, for a while, until Lup cornered him one night as he made his way to his bed for the night. She was waiting for him in his room, sitting on the end of his bed with a book in her hands. When he opened the door, she snapped it shut and glared at him.

“You've been avoiding me,” she accused, jabbing a finger in his direction. 

“I've been exploring,” he said nonchalantly hanging his robe up. 

“I'm not an idiot,” she said, crossing her arms. “You've barely talked to me since the last cycle and I--I miss you, alright?”

He sighed. “I’m sorry,” he said sitting down next to her. “I’ll make sure to hang around more from now on.”

“Are you going to keep pretending you're fine?” she asked, voice still laced with irritation.

“It’s not pretending,” he said, turning his head away from her.

“You know you can't lie to me,” she reminded him. “We’ve been attached at the hip since we were born, Taako. You might have everyone else fooled, but I know you’re faking.”

He sighed. “And? It doesn't matter,” he insisted. “I will be fine, and until then nobody needs to worry about it. I’m Taako, I don't need help.”

“Bullshit.” She turned bodily to face him, and he turned his head to look at her. “You used to come to me for help all the time, and now you don't anymore and you're miserable.”

“I’m not the only one you need to worry about anymore,” he said quietly. 

“Taako, what are you talking about?” she asked, eyebrows furrowing.

“You know, Barry and the rest of the crew--you’ve got them to worry about. I’m fine, mostly, so you don't have to worry about me,” he said, shrugging.

“Taako, you--you’re everything to me, even now. I’m always going to be there for you. You're always my number one priority,” she said, eyes wide with concern. “I'm always going to worry about you more than anyone else, even if you want to pretend you don't need me.”

He sighed, sagging, and leaned forward, letting his head fall onto her shoulder. “I just want to stop,” he said, voice barely more than a whisper.

“What do you mean?” she asked, arms coming up to wrap around him. 

“We just--we keep running and trying to fight it off and save people, but what's the point? It's not going to stop, we don't know how to kill it, we don't even know if we _can_ kill it. I’m--why do we keep trying?” he asked, face scrunching up as he tried not to cry. He’d been crying too much lately, and Lup didn't need to see that.

He felt her sigh heavily, and he tried to stop shaking. “We try because--because who else will? Even if it doesn't ever end, we can save people. We get get the Light of Creation every time we find it, and we can save people. If we don't do this, who’s going to stop the Hunger?” Her voice was strained, as if she was as close to tears as he was.

“Nobody,” he muttered, sniffling. “But why do _we_ have to?”

“I don't know,” she said, shaking her head. “We just--we have to keep going until we can stop it, or at least contain it. You know we can't just let it--let it destroy everything.”

“I know,” he said, voice breaking. “I wish we could.”

She sighed. “I know.”

He blinked hard, and felt a tear fall down his face. “Shit,” he muttered, jerking back from Lup and wiping furiously at his face.

“Taako--hey, stop,” she said, grabbing his hands. “Your face is going to get all red, and that's just going to put you in a worse mood.”

He huffed out a laugh, sniffling. “You’re right.”

“I always am,” she said smugly, pulling him back to her.

He sunk back into her, burying his head in her shoulder and wrapping his arms around her. “I guess,” he conceded, squeezing her.

She kissed the top of his head and ran her fingers through his hair. “Talk to me from now on when this happens, okay?”

He nodded in response, squeezing his eyes shut to stop himself from crying again. “Yeah, okay.”

“Good,” she said softly, fingers still carding through his hair.

He felt himself drifting off, falling into a peaceful sleep for the first time in a long time.

**Author's Note:**

> my good pal charlie said i made her cry with this so naturally, im sharing it with the world. leave a comment lmk what you think!!


End file.
